Writing Around the Holidays

Avoidance and Grace

Content warning: death/grief

Avoidance

As a kid, I loved this time of year—November, December, January. By October, I’d be counting down the days until Christmas, and I often had my presents wrapped by the beginning of November. I just couldn’t wait!

As I got a bit older, I saw how my mom dreaded the holidays. At the time, I didn’t understand her reasons for dreading it, but now I also find myself dreading this time of year. If I avoid it, will it go away?

Me showing Santa my Christmas list, circa 1982.

Let me Get a Bit Meta for a Moment…

Around mid-2020, I had an idea for a piece of writing; I had a specific plan for the form of the piece and had it practically written…in my head, at least. I never actually wrote it down.

It was going to be a poem/hybrid/CNF piece about Christmas and family, particularly my mother, leading the reader through different “eras,” ending with my mom’s last Christmas. My mom had been diagnosed with ALS in October 2019, and I somehow knew that the previous Christmas (2019) had been her last.

I could never bring myself to write the piece, probably because it felt too real; my premonition was just too strong. Indeed, my mother passed away a week and a half before Christmas 2020.

The other day I was thinking about this piece that I never wrote, which I’ll likely never write, and I started writing my thoughts down about it. What I ended up with was a draft of a creative nonfiction (CNF) piece describing the piece of writing I had never written. It got very meta. This is what I was going to write. This is how I was going to write it. I stopped short of actually writing the piece I had initially envisioned back in 2020.

I eventually realized that I was writing it down the only way I knew how—by writing around the topic. Writing about it but avoiding it at the same time.

There’s a certain power to writing around a difficult topic. In fact, I was quite pleased with the draft, and plan to keep working on it.

Writing Around the Holidays

There’s writing around a difficult topic (like the holidays), and there’s writing around the holidays, as in during the holidays.

I typically write fiction, not CNF, so I tend to throw myself into my stories to avoid reality. For me, writing is a kind of escapism from pain and weariness, especially this time of year. But for some—especially if you typically write creative nonfiction—you may find your writing spirit dampened by the difficulties and stress of the holiday season.

And that’s okay.

Because what I really want to talk about is grace: being kind to yourself, forgiving yourself, and—importantly—not pressuring yourself. Self-care.

But Not Just Around the Holidays

As writers (and as humans, in general), it can be tempting to compare ourselves to others. There’s a tendency to gauge our own “success” by others’ definitions of it—which paints a very skewed picture of actual progress.

Even if you aren’t exactly where you want to be (as either a writer or a person), it can be helpful to reflect on where you’ve been and view your progress/success through that lens.

Even though it was expected, my mom’s death in December 2020 stupefied me. I was left reeling in grief in a way I never could have imagined, and my anguish and pain was only amplified by the pandemic and social distancing and the fact that I work remotely.

In March of 2023, I was diagnosed with prolonged grief disorder (PGD), also called complicated grief or traumatic grief; and with the help of a therapist who specializes in PGD, by this time last year, I was starting to finally break out of survival mode.

Healing, though, is an ongoing process. There is forward movement, but there are also setbacks. Because of this, 2024 has been a strange year for me, and I’ve often found myself feeling like I’ve accomplished nothing.

That’s not true, of course. Mentally/emotionally, I’m in a much better place than I was a year ago (and there’s almost no comparison to the mess I was two and three years ago!). I’ve also continued to make great strides in my writing. (If you’ve missed them, some of my recent publications include “Playing God” (in Gone Lawn), “Would You Rather Freeze to Death or Burn to Death?” and “Breaking” (both in Gooseberry Pie Lit), and “All the Ways You Can Bring the Dead Back to Life” (in Ghost Parachute).)

Grace

The bottom line is that whenever you feel compelled to compare yourself/your accomplishments and successes to anybody, compare yourself to yourself—who you were a year ago, two years ago, five years ago, etc.

Look at your own progress as a writer. And as a human. Not someone else’s.

And as we head into holiday season (with Thanksgiving upon us right now), remember to always, always give yourself grace and compassion.

Write around the tough subjects when it’s warranted.

And if it’s too overwhelming and you don’t feel like writing at all around (as in during) the holidays, don’t.

Christmas 2017—my sweet pup Rosie loved Christmas!